I write a diary that is relatively private, but then I realized that I was starting to be like Dame Judy Dench in Notes on a Scandal (picture one obviously) - only prettier - like her in Bond (picture 2). I'm not sure exactly what a Dame is, but if it means fabulous then the Queen - the English one, you know - Elizabeth II - not someone I met in West Hollywood, got it right.
When I'm writing in my little journal with my important stuff writing pen - it is a rather lucky pen inasmuch as I signed my first "deal" with it - that sounds very Hollywood right, but we all sign deals - I'm just a bit more superstitious about it I guess. The pen is fantastic - a Montblanc (it is one word and I've never understood smart people who think that it is two) fountain pen called the Meisterstruck Platinum and yes, there is a picture for that too.
I see no reason not to have a lot of pictures when you write. One of my journals has a bunch of
pages of magazines and things cut out with stuff taped in - it truly was almost child-like, but it was the only way I knew how to remember what I wanted to say and I never wanted to forget the things that I knew. When I write about things that are person or important it is my belief that you should write in the way you either do or want to live and there is nothing better than the feel of ink on the finger. That doesn't mean that I am a great writer - I'm far from that, but I want to make my journal mine and the only way to do that is to make things my way. I'm sure a lot of people write better than I do about the things that are important to them, but it is my feeling that writing and cutting and pasting is so much a chore in this day and age of cut and paste that it actually caused me to want to stop writing and that would be insane to me.
This is the first time I'm writing in my journal since my little dog, Levi, had a medical problem and since Thanksgiving. I intentionally put it off so that I could turn my daily writing into weekly writing and I let a couple days go afterwards simply out of time and to let things sink in. Levi and Shlomo, his big brother from the same litter, are pugs and they are great dogs. Levi is the smaller of the two and the vet has some scary things for me to be looking for in the little guy. They both just turned three and they are rambunctious and fun. The unconditional love I get from these two little dingbats is so worth the added time it takes me to get ready in the morning or coming home mid-day or in the middle of something to make sure that they are let out.
I leave them at a pet hotel when I leave town or I take them with me. Shlomo gets carsick, though, so there is really no middle ground with them. Either I take them with me and we stop every 20 minutes or I don't take them with me I end up having to say good-bye as they are taken into the pet hotel where normal people are not allowed to go. It is a good place, don't get me wrong, but it is not home and I'm sure they miss it. BUT - selfish as it may be - I love the feeling I get when I pick them up. Here are the two of them in a shopping cart at Petco (at least I think it was Petco) - aren't they the most adorable dogs? You will probably disagree if you have one, but I've seen some ugly dogs out there and nobody ever admits to them!
So the last week (give or take a day or two since this is my first entry on the blog that isn't). Not a whole lot happened, really, given the boring life that I lead. We had Thanksgiving and I got to see a friend or two for a day or two, but mostly I spent the last week or so doing not much of anything. There is something about being "bone idle" as the Brits call it (why am I so in love with anything British: British movies, British actors, British TV, British monarchs - well not British food - fish and chips are fine, but thinking about "shepherds pie" makes me sick to my stomach and I can eat - I can eat just about anything. You don't know that whole history, but I will update you slowly.
The long and the short of knowing that I can eat just about anything is the fact that I did. After I left the military I was in a wheelchair - it was an awful time in my life (when you get hurt and you're on active duty there used to be little sympathy for the things going on in your head and the goal was to get you well). I spent a ton of time sitting in a wheelchair, watching television and eating. I went from a healthy fit active duty Marine to a fat blob who just happened to be in a wheelchair. It could have been worse - I could have taken all of the pills that I got when I left the hospital and ended it all, but I didn't - don't ask me why, but I would have devastated at least one person, I'm not sure how many others would have cared, but at least one man would have cared and for him I will always be grateful.
Thankfully I am not in a wheelchair today. It took a lot - years - of physical therapy and training, but I am almost back to my USMC weight. Although, they had to cut through my stomach (I've had 7 operations on my spine) to get to my back after surgery 3 so I'll never have abs of steel again. I figure there are enough men with them that I don't have to worry about that. If it were not for my doctors and nurses I would be a mess - so thank you medical people out there!
My first real boyfriend was special, but he left me and in some ways I don't blame him (his name was Chris), but in many ways I do because how hard is it, really, to break up with someone? In my view - not hard at all. Especially when you're gay and there is a world changing event taking place in life. I would have understood - I have to find a picture of him so that I can show you.
ANYWAY (see - I told you that I ramble) - back to Thanksgiving week. I decided to leave the comfort of one place and head to the comfort of another. Put this in perspective: my friend, Sunil, was going to India to be with his family and that is when the attacks in India happened. He was going to put up in London for a few days anyway and I got an email from him the other day that he was in Turkey - Istanbul to be exact. I'm sure it was fantastic - I hope he took a lot of pictures!
Being in Los Angeles is one of the best things in the world and to use a landmark for my location (see that Four Seasons over there - I'm right there by it) I'll use something that you can find on Google so that you can put a place to the me. But before I get ahead of myself I was hoping that I would see a certain someone during Thanksgiving (since I'm a "public figure" and lack privacy anyway I think I will keep a bit of privacy here by not mentioning a bunch of names that you could easily report back - unless I'm the only reader of my diary in which case name will not be a problem). If you know where the Four Seasons is at on Doheny then you are close to where I am (plus or minus a mile or so).
Meanwhile - I choose to spend some time away from home, but only after I have Thanksgiving dinner with my brother and sister-in-law. I've never understood the "in-law" technicality attached to someone that your brother or sister marries. In my family that is a hell of a lot of people since everyone seems to have found love (with the exception of a couple of us).
LA is where we did Thanksgiving and I had it with my brother, Johnny, and his wife, Dr. Danielle. I say Dr. Danielle because I lack any title at all anymore and figure if someone has one you should use it. So I do. Here we are just about to go eat - if you look closely you'll notice that the picture attached to this blog of me is taken in the same chair - IT WAS THE PRACTICE PICTURE because we only had 10 seconds from the time we clicked the button until the time that we took the photo.
This is not all of them - we went through a lot of pictures to get to where we were going, but this is one of many. I should have taken pictures of the best part of the meal too - the potato bar! Mashed potatoes and truffles were "the bomb" (forgive my rapperness), but they were.
What did we talk about? Well, we talked about how lonely I am, we talked about how strange my brother is (the one who was with us) because he has the uncanny ability to remember things that did not happen when we were kids - not to be rude to my little brother, but he is 26 and I've got a decade on him so I'm pretty certain that I know what did and did not happen when we were kids - I did leave home just after turning 17 so I have no clue what he is talking about half of the time. Of course, I joined the military shortly after that and it was the best decision I ever made.
I would be a complete ass (or worse) if I didn't join our Armed Forces and I am so happy that I did because it gave me the foundations in life that I needed to be a good man (notice I didn't say perfect or use any of those great gay modifiers like VGL) and is giving me all that I need to become a better one. One day I will be the man that I want to be, but I'm not exactly sure what that kind of man is or even who that man is (or what that man does), but I'm on my way to figuring all of that out.
After Turkey Day I went to the beach house - it is an escape. It is in a great little city called Del Mar (you'd like Del Mar - well everyone likes Del Mar) and since the weekend was only going to be interrupted by working one day on the air I really had nothing to worry about.
WAIT! I forgot one of the most important things that happened during Thanksgiving. I met up with Eyal, his boyfriend and his sister, Donna. She's always been beautiful and we've been at the same Oscar events and things that all "young" Hollywood does, but to call her beautiful is to understate what she is - she is phenomenal as a person and as a model. Here we are at the Grand Luxe Cafe next to the Beverly Center - now you have to understand that I just had a derm-abrasion about two hours before this from Gladys (more on that in a second), but here are the four of us - Eyal is the tallest, his bf is the 2nd tallest and obviously Donna is the model - she always looks like a model.
AND JUST SO YOU KNOW - EYAL IS THE TALLEST AT 6'7" TALL so it is not like I'm underdeveloped or that guy Vern from Dr. Evil fame - it is just that everyone that was around me had big bones.
To be even more generous - Donna was wearing really big boots - it was freezing that day in LA - I think the high was about 70 so at that time of the day it was probably only in the 60s.
Back real fast to why I look like an idiot: first I was talking when we had an Asian guy take our picture (I thought it was their thing to take perfect pictures - obviously he didn't wait until I was done talking in order to take it), but that said - there are others, but not with all four of us in it.
The one I have with just Eyal and I is great and I will keep it private, but as far pictures go - the only thing that made me look small was the fact that they are so tall.
NOW to why I'm as red as a tomato. Earlier that day (this was the day after Thanksgiving and before I went to see Hunky Santa at the Beverly Center - not kidding - oh you think I am... well here he is - PS: he is the guy in the hat). Anyway - before I had lunch with Eyal, Donna and Brenden I went to see Gladys and Rosa at Jose Eber. As you can probably tell from my haircut - I still go to the PX for it and spend a total of $6.50 for a haircut every week. BUT, when it comes to my face and nails (hands and feet) - I feel like I have to stave off getting old (or at least looking old) so I spend an awful lot of money on things that most men in LA find perfectly normal, but not so much in the middle of the country.
Early in the day - just hours as a matter of fact - I had a derm-abrasion appointment with Gladys and then I had my mani/pedi with Rosa. Gladys works wonders and she has always been a great lady - I think I've been going to her for my face for the last - oh - eight years or so. Rosa is a little more new - not to doing nails mind you - she was doing Liz Taylor's nails when I was a baby, BUT I had a lady named Holly before I went to Rosa because Holly moved to
Christoph (I think that is where she went) and I stayed at Jose's place.
It is a great salon and had I known we were going to take pictures at lunch I would have been sure NOT to do much more than my typical facial that gets rid of the bad and is on with the good. But, alas, lunch came out of the blue because we all just happened to be available and eating with Eyal and Donna was something too good to pass up and meeting Brenden was even more special because Eyal is a beautiful person who I think deserves a wonderful man. So I had to check it out - this was my first time meeting him. We had a great debate over all things wonderful (and political) - Brenden is a great liberal and I'm a great conservative. Eyal and Donna just sort of sat there and cheered on whomever they thought was right at the time and we all decided that we had to do a Shabbat dinner together because a good Jewish dinner cannot go without a good argument!
Meanwhile, after lunch was over I decided it was time to head to the beach to spend some away time in a place where I find solace and lonliness, but a strong sense of calm - my beach place is not huge or ornate; rather, it is a small little place where I can smell the sea and think. You see, a few weeks ago I (and many others) lost a good friend of mine (ours) - a wonderful girl named Katie about a month earlier and I wanted to go look through some pictures. When I opened the photo album I realized that it was the final time I would be able to look at those pictures. I hadn't cried in a very long time, but when I was contacted out of the blue from a mutual friend of ours - JT - after I went off the air one Thursday night I knew something was wrong and I knew that if something was wrong and he was contacting me instead of Katie that it had to be something about Katie.
When I heard that she died my heart sank, think was a couple weeks prior, and now was time for me to look at the pictures of us as we followed Neil Diamond around the world on what ended up being a trip to rival all others. As relaxing as it is in Del Mar - no distractions and nothing to take my mind off of what I need - I found myself just laying on the bed wondering why? What happened to Katie? Then I realized that I didn't want to know. She died the way she lived - LIVING and I am extremely jealous.
This was not the first time that death came early to people that I knew - I was in the military and when one of the guys I knew quite well died in Iraq (I've since seen four others come home in coffins) I was shocked. That was the first death from this war that really hit me hard - not because it was a death; rather, because I knew that it would be spun. Trevor was the poster-Marine. A Marine's Marine. Everything about him was good and he was a fantastic person. I'd not seen him since he PCS'd, but when I learned he was dead I knew it would be a big deal. He was the guy that all of you saw on posters and in advertisments for the USMC. You'll recognize him.
Katie's death was different because it was not expected - not that you expect people to die when they go to war - most people come home just fine. Katie hit me like a ton of bricks and I wasn't sure how to process it - still don't.
Okay - this has gone WAY too long and I'm not even done with the week yet because I ended up back in LA doing exactly what I didn't want to end up doing (clubbing), but with friends and with people that you hardly know who become more than friends you end up doing the nuttiest things. I will have to finish this after I watch something Christmassy. I'm thinking Home Alone. I do love that movie.
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