Christmas 2010

From Passover 2010 to Christmas before I updated my blogiary. I don't know why it is so hard for me to keep up with my feelings online, but I do keep a diary using a pen and paper and it is far more personal. Let me update you quickly from Passover:

Pesach was at the beginning of April so I have to catch you up quick: April - Passover and you have the story and the rest of the month was all about work. Tax day fell in there too and it annoyed me as usual, but what can you do. The old adage about death and taxes is true.

May was a lot of work too (looking at my calendar there was a lot of work through the entire year!), but there was nothing particularly special in May.

June was wonderful because it was the start of summer! I like summer. I also began working out of physical therapy and much more in the gym with a trainer. I started out by weighing about 185-190 (depends on the day, odd huh) and today I weight about 165-170 (depends on the day). Going to the gym became therapy for me and being alone was less lonely. The funny thing about getting used to being alone is that I don't really get used to it. Every day is a new day and with it I get to experience a broad range of emotions.

July! I love July too - not the least of which is because of long weekends and lazy days of summer. Had a few holidays in there and I went to Israel for just a few days. I forgot to mention the same thing for Passover that I spent there. It was fantastic, but Israel always is.

August. What can you say about August except that it is a month of extremes. The beginning of August has us deep into summer and the end of it has us becoming ready for fall. Labor Day was just around the corner and it was pretty fantastic because with fall comes Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I know it is odd, but those are my favorite days of the year. Not the gift giving or birthday celebrations. But the ability to start anew.

September! I could do a whole post on this, but I won't. Next trip overseas I will. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur were early this year (hence Chanukah being so early this year too and Christmas being just another day for Jews around the world). Left for London first and was able to meet a friend there and then allow him to go on with me to Israel. Stayed at the May Fair and it was as good as it usually is, but they've lost something. But it was only a few days there and a few days back so it was fine. Then off to Israel where the Dan Tel Aviv is my home away from home. I love it. If you ever go to Israel and want to spend some time in Tel Aviv, I think the Dan is what you should try. I fell in love with it MANY years ago (too many to actually say out loud), but it was a great base. Spent Yom Kippur at the King David Hotel in Jerusalem so that I could be near the Kotel for Yom Kippur. My friend who traveled with me did not appreciate some of the traditions that we don't share, but I went with him to the Christian sites while he went with me to experience Yom Kippur there. On the way back was the May Fair again and maybe I will make a bigger post on this trip because it is worthy of it. OH! I almost forgot Homocon in NYC too. Was able to catch up with friends and attend a wonderful little gathering of gays (a gaggle of gays if you will) with Ann Coulter as the guest of honor. I was one of the sponsors of the event and was pretty happy to do it.

October was blah. There is nothing particularly special about October is there? If I could I would rid myself of October and just end the year early - or add the days on to February. I'd be okay with that - maybe we need the Pope to weigh in on this? The Pope approved the last calendar (not including the one done by the French after their little Revolution), but since then it was all about the Pope's approval. I'd like to see people have a fit if the Pope got to approve a new calendar. I think the treaty is still in place that gives the calendar Papal authority - would be fun.

November. I was looking forward to November 2nd because of the election and I was not disappointed. The GOP gained seats in the Senate and we are only weeks away, today, from the GOP once again sitting behind the President during the State of the Union (those are such boring speeches). I know I will cover it for KOGO and love doing it, but election night was so much more exciting. I posted the pictures on my Facebook page - by the way - Facebook has a few pages that are related to me. Mine is www.facebook.com/steveyuhas2 (why 2 you ask? Because someone else has regular old Steve Yuhas and there are fan pages out there that are not done by me and I have no idea why they are there) - so if you want to be a friend on Facebook - go to my actual page and I'll let you sign on. I seek out a lot of interesting people and will debate anyone on anything. November also brought the 4th of November. The date will mean nothing to you, but for me it meant the day that I began talking to someone special. Whatever happens in life, the person I began talking to is very special and I can only hope...

And here we are at December and Christmas. First came Chanukah at the beginning of the month and then came Christmas. I'm very much aware that Christmas is an amazing holiday and for eight years I shared it with my Catholic boyfriend. That part of my life is done. No more Christmas unless I decide to change Levi & Shlomo's names (the pugs) to Larry and Shane and end up with Christian pugs instead of Jewish ones. I don't see that happening.

Next up is the thing I hate the most. NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS. Most years I don't live up to them. For those that do not know, here are my resolutions from last year: (1) lose 10 pounds by 3 Mar 10 (2) be a better friend and not let people down (3) be a better brother, uncle and son and (4) BE THRIFTY! I was successful on #1, but not by March. I was good on #2 I think, but not on 3. I don't know why I cannot be a better brother, son, and uncle. I try, I do. I just can't get it right. Looks like a do-over. As for #4, I was not as thrifty as I could have been, but I was ready for more thrift and will do better next year.

Wow. I did a year in a page. I'm pretty happy with this. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas this year and that you have a spectacular start to the new calendar year coming up. You will. Think positive thoughts and be nice to each other. That's what I'm going to do and who knows, maybe next year I will have a Christmas tree.

Meanwhile, Passover 2010

WOW - it has been a long time since I blogged anything, but I've decided to get back into it - if only to prove to myself that my life is not a total bore. Things I did the last couple of weeks that I liked: Movies: Ghost Writer, Holmes, Alice, Clash of the Titans (please don't do the 3D one) and I had to almost lose my composure, but I watched the Young Victoria with Emily Blunt... BACKSTORY ON BLUNT: not that (dirty minds - or would that just be minds...) anyway. I used to spend an inordinate amount of time at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills. Call it being lazy or just loving to be pampered (it could be the great friends that I made there), but on more than one occasion, and during a longer than usual stay, I ended up on the elevator with Emily Blunt. A lot. Too much, in fact. She doesn't like Levi and Shlomo (the pug angels that I have) and I think she really dislikes me. So when it was decided that we were going to watch the Young Victoria, I was a little verclempt since we were at the same Four Seasons where the run-ins happened, but I knew she was not there. It turned out to be a good movie so I left a note for Emily at the front desk to ensure that she gets my note of apology for being so snarky in the past. She'll remember the dogs (I tend to blend into the background). Passover: wonderful, lacked anything of any flavor and I'm glad to be back to bread. Other than that all I did was shop. I got the boys (Levi and Shlomo for those of you keeping track) some dog collars and leashes at Hermes. Yes, it is nutty in this economy to do it, but they are the best looking dogs around. I'll post a photo with them on the leash - not like anyone will notice, but we'll see. Not like they're carrying Steve bags or anything. I'm going to do better blogging. I have a lot to talk about, but sometimes I am just plain lazy, as is the case here. Now I have insomnia, but is it insomnia if it is only for a day? I don't think so, but I may go to the emergency room to find out. That would be kind of neat and then I can declare bankruptcy and all will be well. Love you...

1 November 2009

We arrived at the beginning of fall, but when I look at the weather outside, well, I just know summer is going to be a bit hesitant to let go. Today's high: 82 degrees by the beach. Add about 10 degrees inland. Yesterday was Halloween and I passed out candy and the mini-cupcakes that Crumbs had on sale. Well, passed out would be a bit of an overstatement since all I did was put them out, but when you think of how many these kids took and the fact that I was out of candy and things in an hour and a half - it must have been a hit. I've been thinking a lot about little things lately and have had a pretty rough last few months. To say that I'm emotionally exhausted would not even be enough to say what I'm thinking. Ever been in a situation where you were completely out of control and hated it? That's me. My life is timed by other people. Then there is "real" life where I have become acutely aware of the fact that some of the people I work with are not only idiots, but back-stabbing ones at that. The worst part is this quote:

You're going to Israel for vacation? Most spies spied for Israel.

That came out of the mouth of someone who is ostensibly intelligent. I was gobsmacked that I am surrounded by some people who act one way to your face and another way behind your back, but when their true self comes out it comes out in a flutter of lunacy. The last time I wrote was Labor Day so I guess I have to catch up since then, but - truthfully - nothing has really happened. Yes, I had a wonderful vacation in Israel and things there were wonderful, but they always are. No, I'm not a spy, but wouldn't that be an exciting life? Not the James Bond kind of thing, but just the excitement of it all. Of course, I'd want to spy for America, but I haven't got the desire to go covert when I'm closer to 40 than 30. Speaking of age: my little brother and I had dinner last week, which was great, and it was typical deli food at Canter's in the Fairfax. I love that diner - reminds me of Chelsea Diner in NYC. I had a taste for matzo ball soup, but ended up not having it. Don't ask me why. It was good to see he and his wife, though. I've been called away to get ready as my cousin is coming into town and I'm going to meet her for lunch, but I will write more and although not exciting and for some reason the picture thing is not working, but when it does I have much to share.

Labor Day 2009

As I look back on my negligent blogging it is fairly obvious that I've not kept up with my thoughts. I still keep a diary and I love to write my thoughts about the day and how I'm feeling on any particular topic, but of late - well let's be honest - for a long time, I've been distracted.

It is not as if I'm not distracted today, but today I found some time that I could set aside and just write my thoughts out for people to read - if they want to. Labor Day is today, but I worked on the radio Friday night and yesterday so I didn't have the long weekend that I yearned for, but what I do have coming up is a few weeks where I will do nothing. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are sneaking up on me and I have some big plans that I'm keeping top secret (or at least secret). Needless to say, though, I'm looking forward to the High Holy days.

Yesterday during my radio program, and on Friday as well, the topic was all about Van Jones. If you don't know who Van Jones is, or was, he is the guy that quit the Obama Administration as a Czar for "green jobs." Whatever those are. Would someone define green jobs for me because all I heard him talk about was ways that Americans would lose jobs and nothing for how they would be created.

Friday night I was on the air and his letter to President Obama came out around midnight. I was already done, but I got to talk about it last night and I have one question for the president: Are you insane? WHY would you distract all that you want to do by bringing a self-described Communist into your Administration? Why in the world would you not at least google the guy so you could find out that he actually thinks that we attacked ourselves on September 11, 2001? Who is doing the vetting at the White House? This guy would not make it into the Armed Forces (like too many people serving in DC or in positions of power in the country today), but he made it into the White House.

President Obama, what were you thinking?

So he resigned and instead of saying "good" the bad guy is gone - Howard Dean and David Axelrod go on television to talk about the great loss to the American people because a Communist is no longer wandering the halls of the White House. How is the loss of an ACORN supporter and Commie a loss to the American people? Isn't it bad enough that we are losing our freedoms every single day of the week - they should have stayed quiet. The President does not have a lot of good people surrounding him. But Van Jones is gone now - now all that we have left are people who think we have to ban hunting, kill the unborn for population control and forcefully, if necessary, sterilize people that we do not want to reproduce.

Oy gevalt that is a scary thought.

Meanwhile, I was in DC recently and had a pretty good time. I was around people who were making their way up the ladder of the government and I made some acquaintances there that I'd like to keep. I think that the best people were there and then again there were some people who were awful, just awful. I know a wonderful woman named Christine who is a Senior Executive Service person working for the Department of Defense. She is the epitome of service and then I know people, who I shall not name, who work for the Department of Defense who are the worst of the worst. Their work ethic is that if they show up they are outstanding and if they do something wrong or bad that they should run to people and complain that it had something to do with their race or something silly. The worst offices in all of government are so-called Equal Opportunity Offices who actually advertise how people can complain.

What kind of crap is that? Who advertises how to make a complaint. It is as if government is so far removed from real life that instead of just sucking up the fact that they are colossal failures in what they do they have an office to go to in order to shelter them from that fact. The one good thing that came out of my attending this training (and it is not yet over) is that I was awarded the Combat Correspondent MOS from the USMC. While I was on active duty in the military I earned three MOS's and now I have a 4th. This one actually means the most and I will make the most of it. I'd like to go back to work in Iraq and I reported from there during the first elections and thought it was amazing.

Speaking of Iraq (an odd transition to Afghanistan) - I'm never again going to use anything provided to my station from the AP. The very fact that they would show the picture of a dying Marine after his parents asked them not to is beyond anything I could imagine. What is wrong with these people? I have to say that I would not care if the woman who snapped that photo ended up on the new bin Laden video that we are expecting to come out when Obama talks to Congress about health care. What a disaster that is (Afghanistan and health care). But I do have a question.

What is the President doing to find our missing (captive) soldier in Afghanistan. The Prime Minister of Israel speaks about the IDF missing soldiers every opportunity he gets. Barack Obama never spoke the name of our missing soldier. Israel went to war for Gilad Shalit, but we've barely busted down doors to find our man. What has happened to the war on terror? Have we gone so soft that we won't even acknowledge that one of our own is captive by people who would have no problem taking off his head and putting the video on YouTube for the enjoyment of the Arab world?

Shameful. Carpet bomb where we think he is and if he dies he dies a hero. If he is found alive the bombers are heroes. The PM of Britain wants to have a conference about Afghanistan. Can you imagine that happening during WWII? We'd all be speaking German. I'm sorry - there are some people who should not be in power during war and I think we see who should not be in power today.

Before I'm done ranting and get back to working on some things, I saw that Congress has a 7% approval rating - the poll came out today. This is a time that regular people, flawed people, should run for Congress and we should back them. It is insane that we keep returning the same people to the place the is running more and more of our lives. If you'd be a good candidate I think you should consider it. You'll lose your privacy (I've lost mine and somehow made it through) and you'll end up with Wikipedia writing things about you that are completely untrue, but in the end we will have good people in Congress. Can we ask for anything more?

I don't think so.

Happy Labor Day.

What is Islam - let's ask Wafa on al Jazeera...

Moral of the story: the Arabs and fundamentalists of Islam should be back living in the Middle Ages and THEY STARTED THIS...

So here it is - more than a month has gone by since Valentines Day, but I've been doing so much that I really didn't even write in my written diary let alone my typed one. So today is the day I'm going to catch up. I have a lot of things to catch up on and this is the one that has me with the least amount to do since so little has changed since Valentines Day that I figure I would start with the easiest and work my way backwards.

One of the things I do know is that I am going through my mid-life crisis. I don't know if it is mid-life crisis so much as it is just a crisis of getting older, but either way I'm going through one. I think it started out last month when my brother brought his wife and kids down to San Diego to the San Diego Zoo. I spend time with my little (well he is a little brother too, but I see one more than the other) brother, but seeing this one and his wife and kids made me feel old. I was thinking to myself over sushi (I do love the sushi place by where I live, but it made his wife ill - that or she was pulling a Princess Di) that it is time for me to make some tough decisions about life. So I began making them there and then.

The first is that I'm going to start saving for my retirement more aggressively. Outside of the fact that the economy has all of us feeling the pinch of a down turn in the market and all of our 401k plans and IRAs are earning less and less - there is something to be said for saving - so I'm going to start setting more money aside for the day when I get to retire. Sounds strange - thinking about retirement and I never thought about it before, but here I am thinking about my old age. It is kind of cool because I'm already retired from the military and have retirement already in my lexicon, but I mean the big retirement - the big one where you don't return from.

My other decision was more difficult because it involved vanity. Ever since I was in my mid-20s I've been getting gray hair. Part of it was just ignored as I had a haircut when I was in the military that I kept all the way through, but now I think I'm going to take the advice of my hair guru and actually let my hair grow out. BUT, that leads me to a big question: do I then color it (well, do I have someone else color it)? A lot of guys I know have been having their hair colored for a very long time, but this would be a first for me. Personally, I think some guys pull off gray hair easily (Jon Stewart comes to mind - meanwhile, how about his falling out with CNBC's Kramer - oy that is fun). I have no problem with letting my hair grow out a little bit (probably go from a haircut a week to a haircut every month), but while I let it grow it will be gray and I'm not sure I want gray hair poking out from all over.

Now that I've actually written that down I think it is kind of a silly thing, but it is my mid-life crisis so let me do it my own way.

Then there is the thing that all men do during their crisis - a new car. I don't have car payments so it is kind of nice being able to pay for a car, but do I do what all men do and buy a car that makes a lot of noise or do I keep the car I've had for almost 3 years (the longest I've really kept a car) and let it be mine for 5? Decisions decisions. If the answer is no I have to figure out what I want: do I want a true mid-life-crisis kind of car or do I want to go practical and go out of state to buy it at another brother's house so that I don't get stuck paying the huge sales tax that we're about to start paying in California. More decisions that I'm not happy about making so I might just stick to the car that I have until I see how far this mid-life crisis is going to take me.

Speaking of taxes - I got my tax bill back and see how much I owe and decided that I'm not going to pay my state taxes (CA) until my best friend in the whole wide world gets his tax REFUND from the state first. I may end up charged a penalty, but how unfair is that. He overpaid his taxes and CA is just saying - screw you, you're not getting your refund because we cannot afford to give them. Unfair and it should be criminal.

So I'm getting more and more fit, which is always a good thing, and I'm putting on a suit (it was an Armani) and I realize that I have an awful lot of fabric in the belly left over. I'm losing more fat again and I was mad because I buy suits and jackets in sets of four. Charles, I've written about him before, my shopper knows exactly what I like and he was able to get me all hooked up and I have some great suits and jackets, but I was terrified that I was going to have to give them to charity. Lucky for me I went to the tailor and the only master tailor I know was able to take them in one last time - if I lose any more weight I'm done and the suits have to go back, but this time I was lucky.

Speaking of luck: my brother is finally putting in my new floors. Yes, it took me forever to figure out the kind of floors that I wanted to change my old floors out for, but he did it and I love him for it. He is starting a business with a buddy of his and they are doing some kind of contracting. I should buy in for 51% and start getting some of these government contracts that the USA and CA are giving out. Should you do business with your brother? Probably not huh, but still - he's worth it and would make a really good business partner because he is a good guy and they need a leg up: two white males doing a business together doesn't get them very much, but I'm a veteran and to have a veteran owned business wouldn't hurt!

I don't know when my floors will be done, but soon I hope.

And on that note not much else happened in the last month. I've been very busy, but not too busy to be able to play with the dogs and to make their little tails wag. We get to spend a lot of time together during Passover because I'm not working (obviously) so we're going to have a good time together. We are hoping that we can do Passover with the special people in our lives and I think it is cute that whenever I take the dogs down to Del Mar they remember their favorite places to #2 and the rest. It is kind of adorable.

So the big decisions coming up is do I continue my mid-life crisis into a new car and do I color my hair. I've made the choice about letting it grow out (not to the point of being a hippie mind you), but I'm going to have to choose about whether or not to stay grayish or to color. Friends and co-workers are split, but I don't know where I fall. I guess I have to just flip a coin since if the color doesn't work out I can always get a hair cut, but if it does work out I will look younger for the first time in my adult life!

Until next time! Pictures will come later.

Valentine's Day 2009

It was pointed out to me that I have not updated my little online diary for a bit so I thought that Valentines Day would be a great day to do it.

This morning I had to wait for the cable guy, something I find most annoying - the idea that you get a two hour window for the guy to show up, and when he finally got here he was sloppy looking. X (I will only write their name if they don't fix my service) Cable then went on to "fix" my Internet service by bringing a new modem. Far be it from me to tell X how to do their business, but it is really not cost effective to send a guy to someone's home (albeit my weekend retreat) to bring a modem when they could have mailed it. Of course I complained about the ridiculous $30 fee that came with the cable guy's visit and it has yet to be waived. We shall see, but nothing is fixed yet so I'm still waiting for good email service.

Truth be told I guess that waking up at 7 a.m. to wait for a cable guy is better than waking up to the kid down the hill practicing his violin. I don't know what to say about that except his parents really need to give up on that little adventure into the symphony. Maybe it didn't happen today because it is raining, they usually kick the kid outside to bug the rest of us with practice and they close the windows, but I live on the top of a hill and LOVE open windows (to use one of my friends' sayings) "I heart them." He actually says that. I find it cute.  What I don't find cute is bad violin playing, no matter the age.  Poor  Stradivarius got lucky with the Little Ice Age and made some fantastic multi-million instruments - I dare say this kid is not in the running to play one.

Meanwhile, back to the evils of the cable company. Prior to the cable guy arriving I realized that I didn't have any milk and there just is no getting around the fact that I love cereal in the morning. The pantry is full of

cereals of all kinds, but today I wanted one of my favorites - chocolate Honey

 Bunches of Oats. In order to get my "fix" I had to get up, wet the hair, throw on my Nanuk of the North clothes since it was freezing outside at a mere 50 degrees outside, and schlep off to the closest place to buy it: Ralph's. So there I am thinking that I'll get in and get out (I'm not a grocery store kind of guy - if I have to do it I want the commissary, but if nothing else Bristol Farms delivers so why go) - I digress: the place was packed.

THEN it hit me. THESE men all forgot about Valentine's Day! I saw men buying those big cheap red chocolates and flowers from the florist department and I thought to myself that this has got to be one of the 

biggest days for stores all around the world that sell flowers and candy. So many men forget and they know good and well that if they don't turn up with something Valentiny today that there will be no "V" tonight! So they got it at a grocery store. Any woman (or man) that is willing to put out for Ralph's bought flowers (where there are about a million florists between Rancho Santa Fe - the Ranch - and Del Mar that were already open as I made the drive) would have put out regardless.

I guess the partner would talk less if they were chock full of candy, but what do I know? I'm sitting here alone for the Big V.  The good news is that on the drive I saw a sign that polo was starting up again soon!  how fast the winters turn to summer in this part of the world.

You can probably tell that I tend to write things backwards from the day that I create this diary even though my real diary actually goes in the right direction, but keep that in mind when I say this. I HATE WIKIPEDIA. Someone sent me a note asking if I wanted to comment on a comment I made on a show I did on January 29th. I didn't know what the hell they were talking about so I asked something sarcastic since I do not comment or quote on things and don't do interviews, usually,

sometimes I make exceptions, but it has to be something I really care about. 

Anyway - turns out that someone put on Wikipedia that during that show I endorsed the Bush Administration and said something like their policies made more people for America to kill. I said that? That didn't sound like me since I soundly reject MOST of what the Bush Administration did in the latter years and when it came to endorsing them it was usually on issues of fighting terror and that is it.

So I go read the Wikipedia drivel - something I hate because anyone can write to it and people from all walks of life get to write whatever they want. I do hate the picture that is there, but what can you do. I had my assistant go through the page when it was first brought to my attention to get rid of everything that was wrong, but what a waste of time - it just ends up being there again. Sometimes being a "public figure" (I hate that term) is tiring. Again I digress, maybe I do have ADD as I tried to tell my high school chemistry teacher when I was getting a D in that course... anyway - I listen to the show (they're all podcasted) and it turns out I said something LIKE what is written, but the damn Wikipedia thing didn't allow (nor does it mandate) context.

I said that closing GITMO was a mistake and that GITMO did not cause more terrorism (as many, including the VP claimed it did). Does anyone remember a GITMO during the Clinton years when we were hit by terrorists how many times? NO. GITMO didn't cause more terrorists, but IF it did, I said, so what - gives us more people that we have to kill.

People acted like that was a big deal. Some guy from Rhode Island published it and a "media watchdog" group (I don't want to give them hits) wrote about it. I can't believe that I'm even close to important enough for a media watchdog group to watch, but whatever fills the time and gets money out of George Soros right. Who am I to judge how a former conservative who is now a darling of the left because he had to be forced kicking and screaming out of the bathhouses and gay bars of DC does in his spare time? Ooops, did that give it away? 

Sorry Dave. Yes, we've met, but not at a bathhouse, but it was a gay bar and he pretended nobody would know that he was there picking guys up at WET - YES good ol' Wet where men danced in showers with their junk out for the world to see. And he thought nobody would notice?

Meanwhile, so I didn't say what I said the way that it is depicted, but I said screw it all to hell - I'm not even going to try to fix it.

Wow, this is just today. One more thing about today and then I'm done about today and can start working backwards. I'm spending the day with my little brother Johnny. He doesn't mind if I call him Johnny, but you better not because he will probably kick you ass. Beyond that, though, is that he's a huge rugby guy. Loves rugby and we're going to be surrounded (in a scrum if you like) with rugby men. Now, he's married to Danielle and is a great guy, but if he were gay he'd be doin

g so well (I doubt he'd have had to buy himself chocolates for Valentine's Day if you know what I mean). BUT, as much as he is better looking than I am - we think we're related - and that would be a trick since I'm fricking adopted and he is not. Go figure. 

Could my father's sperm have been donated to a woman on welfare who gave birth to octuplets and I ended up adopted by the same guy that donated the sperm who then went on to produce little Johnny? There is a whole other story to my adoption and it is touching, could this all be a fiction to protect a sperm donation?  Oh well.  He's not so little and at 27 or whoever the hell old he is he is still my little brother, but could he be my real little brother? Too much in common.

We're going to get a DNA test one day, but we have to wait for the right time (is there a right time for that) so we can fight over the family assets that have not been wasted by my over indulgent mother. Kidding mother - you don't waste money (how many times have you been on the plane this year?). Meanwhile...

So I had a fight with a bureaucrat this week. She is just a full fledged bitch. I ended the conversation by telling her how much I really hate her, and I do and I know hate is love, but I HATE her. She thinks she's great and she's as mediocre as they come. I don't think I could ever be someone like that - a bureaucrat who does little more than surrounds herself with people who tell her that she's brilliant while she can't do so much as answer a question without going full blown menopausal (you know the type). Anyway, I've decided not to deal with this woman again, unless I have to. Thank goodness I have a microphone in front of my mouth to wash my troubles away. I'll name her one day probably and where she works, but this is neither the time nor the place and maybe she'll find here way.

So Eyal told me that he saw my ex-boyfriend in Chicago over the weekend. He and I had a very, VERY, rocky split that lasted far too long. I won't tell you what happened, but he cheated on me. Oh wait, I just told you and I tend not to erase things. Yes, cheated on me. Hello, we're gay. No need to cheat when we can just break up with each other right? Not like we had kids, dogs or even fish to split up and find homes for. All we needed to do was break up, but he opted not to do that and he struck out on his own to find a new man. The funny thing was I caught them together. Was the worst day of my life and left me bitter for quite some time. He is on my Facebook page, but I won't tell you who he is and no I won't say that and not erase it - I'm being very careful. He says he won't cheat on anyone else again, but I say once a cheat always a cheat. That's just me though.

I celebrated my birthday on the 4th and that was okay, but as I inch my way toward 40 I realized that I never used to imagine that I would get to 40. I thought I'd be in my 20s forever and here I am closer to 40 than 30 and at what some gays would call the end of the line. I've never dated anyone older than me or significantly younger, but with people my age sometimes being so immature and some people in the 20s or early 30s so mature - I find that age is a mere fabric of our imagination (I can say that now that I'm older).

For my birthday I had a couple of celebrations. I hopped on a plane (thank you Mr. BlueStar Jet) to get to my birthday dinner and it was great. An intimate gathering. I like to fly places that are even close because you can fly out of small airports and it is the cost of a first class ticket. You do it on a weekend and the planes are full and you can all share the miles with the card, but on the weekday it is a crapshoot and you can end up paying the whole darn bill. Luckily for me there were a few people going the same day as me. 

Then another night I went to dinner with Sunil and Lena. I forget the name of the place (it will come to me), but everywhere in Hollywood is fabulous that was done by this one designer (I forgot his name too and I hate looking things up while writing - almost as much as I hate backspacing to correct things), but I know where someone is getting a birthday party - the Christina Aguilera room (it's not called that, but I'll know it when I see it). I think he'd like it and even though he might not - I would and that is really what matters in the grand scheme of birthday parties.

Before that I was at a short little conference where they had me stay at a chain hotel. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am as ashamed as anyone when I say that I stayed at the Westin. You remember - that awful hotel in downtown LA (all participants had to stay at the hotel - I guess they wanted us to be safe - meanwhile every death movie in a hotel was filmed here) and I was there for a week. I snuck away to my room (lucky for me I've got the right card to sneak away so I can get a penthouse and a Westin penthouse is no penthouse - it is sort of like a pent without the house) - tiny, no mini-bar and TVs that the stimulus package will have to pay for boxes to convert the signals to.
The good news is that I got to steal away to see Rosa and Gladys at Jose Eber to get my manicure and pedicure (Rosa) and my facial, nose hair wax and eyebrows done (Gladys). I've been seeing the same people for six years (I used to see Holly there until she moved to a competitor who I will not mention, really, I won't) and I'm loyal. I'm bad at many things, but if I learned anything in the military it was loyalty and I will not leave a place that treats me well. Jose does that. Thankfully.

So what did I do before that? Gosh, there had to be things, but I can't think of any. So enjoy your Valentine's Day and I hope that if you have someone a kiss that you do. You never know when you'll be like me and you won't have someone laying next to you at night to tell you that they love you. I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her - OH SHUT UP JULIA. Sorry - sometimes when I'm romantic I channel Julia Roberts characters (hello - Notting Hill), but it really should be my favorite author that I channel, Jane Austen, but they never got her on film so I can't. I do love Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibilities. Maybe I'll watch romantic movies all day so that I know what I'm missing. I did see one really good romantic film this weekend and it was "The Grocer's Son" - a French film about a guy who has a strained relationship with his family and he goes home after his father has a heart attack to help with the family store. It was a good movie and had a good message (and it was romantic - didn't hurt that the star was also cute - I do love gorgeous men, but give me man next door and I swoon. Rent it. Good idea.

Probably not. I don't heart Valentine's Day.

Until next time... XOXO

17 January 2008

It has been a little while since I last wrote my online diary so there is a lot to cover, but when I think about what to say and how to say it - there is really not that much.

Since my last entry a lot of things happened. The most stirring thing and that which stands out is the fact that the other day I received a package in the mail and I sat in stunned silence before I opened it. I have to say that it probably took me an hour to have the "courage" to open it as I knew it had something to do with my friend, Katie (talked about in my first entry) who died in November. Seeing his name on the return address made me certain that it had to do with Katie, but I didn't know what it was.

After sitting quietly for a little bit I started to open the box - it was pretty heavy - and in it I found pictures and things that she kept from a trip we took some years ago along with some things that were important to her. Katie was a scrap-booker and photo keeper. When I go on vacation I'm lucky if I find myself in a couple of the pictures, but not Katie. She had a way with making sure that not only did she keep pictures, but she kept ticket stubs and even the menu from the bed and breakfast we stayed in Bath, England in the late 90s.

It was a vacation that I cherished, but it was just a vacation. Seeing those pictures made me realize that that was our vacation and something that only she, me and Gina shared. Of course we shared it with the ghosts of the Tower of London, the geysers of Iceland and a litany of memories from our nights in clubs.

At first I was angry with J.T. for sending it because I was not ready for it. I realize after looking at those pictures and with those that I have at my own house that Katie lived far more in her 30 years than I did in my life. As I live my life in the future I am going to live it as fully as I can because you never know when that life can come to an end. I didn't thank him for sending it, but I should. I'm just not sure how to say thank you for memories.

It is difficult to transition from the most important thing that happened to me this week and to turn to some of the more trivial, but here goes:

First is that I was able to have brunch with friends today and the topic was what to ask Ann Coulter when she is on my tomorrow evening. I often tell my listeners that of course I do show prep, but when it comes to talking I tend to talk about what my friends are talking about. Ann is truly an amazing person because she is not the gay hater that people portray her to be and when you read her new book - GUILTY - you will see her at her best. 

She is funny, biting, honest and is able to call a spade a spade. Some of the questions that my friends came up with were kind of nutty, but one came from Eyal's boyfriend via email and it was simple: why the black cocktail dress? What a great question from a gay guy. We will talk wardrobe. I certainly don't want to talk about the dust up on The View. How many times can Ann be asked to go on a show to talk about her book and then end up talking about something that happened on another show? How boring.

So I have my list of questions, but I'm going to take a poll on getting someone fired over making my omelette the wrong way! I have a certain way of wanting things and when people don't pay ANY attention to what I ask for I get angry. Don't ask me why - maybe the $75 price tag per person, but how hard is it to make some eggs that do not have yolks (I don't want to die from heart disease) so I wanted egg whites, mushrooms, cheese with soy milk to make fluffy. They were all wrong. I got an "I'm sorry," but I didn't get the right eggs because I hate waiting for things that I want. Not a big deal so I guess I won't get him fired, but people should pay attention.

Second is the weather. It has been hot and today it is a little over 80 degrees and as I hear people yammering on and on about global warming I'm wondering where it is warm where it is not supposed to be. The people on the east coast are freezing and we're warm (like it is supposed to be - hello, the Mamas and the Papas didn't do California Dreamin for nothing), but it is kind of nutty that we're talking about global warming while so many people are freezing. Even the canals in Holland were frozen over so that people could walk across them.

Third (I'm going to stop numbering these now): Barack Obama is going to become the first black President of the United States on Tuesday and that is a good thing. America turned a corner on race relations to the point where a black guy is taking office the day after Martin Luther King Day celebrates the 20th anniversary (signed into law by Ronald Reagan by the way - Jimmy Carter didn't sign it).

The only thing that bothers me (outside of Obama's politics) is the fact that he is getting a pass on all of the things he promised to do if he was elected. I'm not talking about moving to the center to govern and I'm not talking about moderating something that was super liberal; I'm talking about the fact that he is going to do things that he criticized the Bush Administration for doing. Don't get me wrong - I was done with George W. Bush when he forgot that he was a Republican (I actually consider myself an Independent Conservative - I'll explain that to you again one day). But, GITMO and taxes were things that Obama ran on and now he's reversed course.

Instead, he'll become the Commander-in-Chief to an underpaid military and will hold court at the White House as a TRILLION dollars are spent to "stimulate" the economy. Part of that goes to giving money to people who don't pay taxes and calling it a tax cut. We're also going to stop foreclosures. How? Why should anyone pay their mortgage if the government will pay for it. We should just build Soviet style housing blocks and give people a home and $200 a month to live off of. The House of Representatives just passed a new tobacco tax (which is obviously a tax on the poor since they smoke far more than the middle or upper-classes) to help children get health insurance. Sounds fine right - BUT illegal immigrants will get it too. We're borrowing money from our kids and grandchildren (and theirs too probably) in order to pay for illegals to go to school and now - THE INTERNET! yes, the Internet is now a federal right.

Someone pinch me over his silly train ride too. What a joke. I like how we expected 3 million people to go and now we're downplaying expectations. I thought this coronation was the changing of the guard. I wonder if anyone from that plane that went into the Hudson River in NYC are going to DC to watch the man who will investigate the migrating birds that caused the crash get sworn in. Bet they drive?

Then there is Israel. Israel announced a cease fire with the Hamas - we'll see how long that lasts. The Hamas will continue to fire rockets into Israel and she is giving the Hamas a chance not to do it. If the Hamas sends ONE rocket into Israel I say level Gaza to the ground and start anew. It is insane to think that people who want Israel and Jews to die a terrible death are ever going to change their minds, but maybe Senator Clinton (soon to be Secretary of State) will be able to convince them to do something that her husband could not.

Counting down until January 20th at noon. Until then - if you have a question you want to ask of Ann Coulter - she'll be on the show on Sunday (tomorrow) so tune in and call 800-600-KOGO during the program or email me and I'll pick the good ones. Don't worry Brenden - yours is on top.

I went to Israel (I Liked It)

Depression does funny things to me - I seek out funny things.

Post-Chanukah, Post-Christmas & Pre-2009

Chanukah 2008 will forever be remembered as the Chanukah I spent Christmas Eve with the Feldman's.  Eyal's family invited me to join in their Christmas Eve Chanukah feast (Chanukah just happened to fall during Christmas this year so the timing was perfect).  To say that this was the best Chanukah ever would not be an over-statement.  Being with Eyal again erased all of the passage of time and he maintains his sense of humor and just good old-fashioned charm that he's always had.  Eyal's family is headed by a matriarch who truly earned the title and the silent, but steadfast, father that got up when we were finished with the meal and began the mandatory fried foods for the evening.  When I talked about this on the air I only said thank you to this family, but behind the gates of Hidden Hills I found a Chanukah miracle - a family that can get together and not argue, one without dysfunction and a lovely and gracious hostess mother.  The siblings as as they always were: beautiful and graceful and the 9-year-old Nathan is going to be a hellion with a lot of Hebrew in him!

Thank you to the Feldman and to Eyal for inviting me to be part of your family gathering.  As I drove home afterw

ards I got to thinking about all of my family gatherings and they just don't have the same feel.  I could blame it on my family being larger and mixed - having a platoon of children under the same roof would make any day chaotic let alone a holiday, but I do remember well how latke seemed to bring us together and my father attempting to keep up with the demands of a large family to start and not even able to do it today because of how fast and large we grew.

Christmas was again one of those times of year that I love and hate at the same time.  I love the smells that come off of a fresh pine tree or wreath, but I hate the crowds of Christmas shopping.  I must say that the crowds do not stop me from making my annual pilgrimage to stores, but this year seemed a little less intense and I easily found parking at a couple of malls and I never found a valet that had the dreaded sign saying that valet was full.  Eyal is pictured on the ground over there because the pictures that he and I have together all have him towering over me - he is 6'7" tall after all.  Not that his family is any different - they're all tall.  I think the 9-year-old is as tall as I am!

I also heard from some of the people I served with while I was in the military. That is always a good thing.

When I think back at the time I spent with people in the 1990s in places like Babenhausen, Germany and the stuff we did there alone with people who I served right here at Camp Pendleton with - it warms my heart to know that people still think of me.  Not that I'm not thought of - I get hate mail all of the time - but it is nice to reminisce about things and I enjoy doing it.  

Granted - when I was in the military I sometimes drank, but I drank substantially less than those I was reminiscing with!  In the picture of Babenhausen (closed and given back to the Germans in 2007) I can tell you where my room was, who lived next to me and the names of all of the people I didn't like.  The ones I did far outnumber them... Pendleton was the same with a few more that I didn't like than were at Babenhausen, but that is an inter-service tradition.  There were other duty stations and posts in between the two but I went from start to finish - maybe I'll fill in the gaps another time.

My personal shopper and the man who puts me together is named Charles and I visited him because I bought four suits from Ermengildo Zegna and one from Armani.  I know it seems pompous to name drop, but a good suit is a good suit and Charles helps dress me.

Frankly, he knows what I want and need before I do and is the only reason that I continue going to Neiman Marcus.  

If he left there would be nothing to keep me because I don't shop at a store because of what they have - most high end stores carry the same stuff - but you can sure use help putting yourself together.  Charles I trust.  I trust him so much that when the phone rings and I see that it is him and he says, "Steve - you'll love what I just got in" or "Steve, we're only getting two of these and this would be perfect to wear with your X, Y or Z" he is the man I trust to take the trusty AMEX and buy it - sometimes weeks before I'll see him again to even try the thing on to be fitted.

For some Christmas and Chanukah was not what it should have been.  The financial woes of Wall Street made it to the cliche of Main Street and that is sad.  What I do not understand is the constant need to beat the drum of bad news.  Isn't it enough that people are feeling a pinch?  Do they need to be reminded that there is a financial crisis every time they turn on the tube.  I don't know about you, but I watch TV for an escape from the days news and events; problems and wars.  I don't turn it on - most of the time - in order to catch up on what I've already read.  Some reports say that this was one of the worst Christmas shopping seasons ever and that even Chanel is laying off workers - a sure sign of financial doom.  

Could it be that Chanel is doing what some of these companies should have done a long time ago by getting rid of excess workers?  The fact that they are opening new Hermes stores in southern CA and that when I went to stores like Louis Vuitton or Barneys they were filled to capacity tells me that someone is shopping.  Those are not the kinds of stores where you just go in to take a peek after all.  At least I don't (I don't know if that is good or bad).

Speaking of Hermes: they came out with the Steve Bag a year or so ago and all I can say it is the softest leather that I've ever felt and I treated myself to a new jacket from there. There is nothing like the feel of a cashmere lining inside of a soft leather coat to make all of your wants and desires go away.  The bad thing about this year is that I had nothing to buy for that someone special.  I'm still waiting for him to walk through the door.  

That reminded me of a Neil Diamond song - remember this:

    

 You Don't Bring Me Flowers

 You Don't Sing Me Love Songs

 You Hardly Talk to me Anymore

 When I Come Through the Door at the End of the Day

 I Remember When...

You finish singing it - it only serves to depress me.  But as Chanukah ended tonight I began thinking back over the last couple of weeks and a few things stood out.

Today I got the results of Levi and Shlomo's trip to the vet.  Levi has a spine injury, just like his daddy (me)!  The poor baby is going to be on pills for the rest of his life and he will be looked after (I should say continued to be looked after) by a doggie neurologist.  I always thought that people were crazy who spent more money on their pets than they did for themselves in medical care, but truth be told: I love these two guys.  They are reminders of great times and a constant reminder that one day, soon I hope, I will be with someone who can serve as their other daddy.  If you can believe it - the two of them are also gaining weight too quickly.  In the last six months Shlomo went up 3 pounds and Levi went up 2.5 (or the other way around - I don't remember), but what I do know is that these two dingbats have now been placed on a diet by their doctor and we have to use diet treats and more walking.  I can help them with some of that because it is partly my fault.  I've been spending too much time by myself not worried about them - I need to focus on the important things.

Then there are the floors in my house.  I'm changing out the floors to some other kind of wood that my little brother is going to be in charge of making sure gets done.  How Johnny is going to do it is beyond me, but he tells me he will and he never lets me down.  Only problem here is that I cannot for the life of me figure out what I want to change to.  I know the theme/feel that I'm going for and it is a cross (if you have ever been) between the Four Seasons Beverly Hills and Shutters in Santa Monica.  Colors for Shutters and then furniture from the Four Seasons.  Every single time I've come close to getting the wood and pulling the trigger to buy it something says, but will it match this or that.  The sad thing here is that I've done what only a true narcissist can do and I decided to build the room around an accessory - an antique boat that I found in a little shop in La Jolla.  It is fantastic and not far from the new Brooks Brothers - a perennial favorite of mine.  It is like that Kohler commercial where the lady says "build a house around this" and then bangs a faucet on the desk.  Same thing here only mine is a boat - a big 5 foot long heavy wooden boat that I have no idea will match the furniture I've picked out from good old Ethan Allen.  Boy I sound like I'm getting old - and I am.  I'm closer to 40 than 30 and I just am starting to realize that I guess.  Next month is a milestone birthday for me - the balance will have swung and the closeness could not be more clear.

All in all it was a good holiday.  Took the dogs out most days to the park and whether it was Los Angeles or Rancho Santa Fe - they had a good time.  One day Levi, the little one, ran smack into an old man's Bentley.  Now I'm all for Bentleys don't get me wrong, but when the guy is 70 he needs to be in a sedan - not one of the cheap little Continental!  I know what it is to be in mid-life crisis - I think I'm in one, but come on.  Seventy is far too old for that.  To his credit the guy gave me his card in case the little guy was hurt, but still.  What should I get myself for my midlife crisis and am I already in one if my car cost more than his?  Or, is that just snobbery... hell if you added up the cars that I don't need, but have (everyone could do with just one), but I have one for dogs, one for me and one for distance.  That is a lot of cars - hell maybe I've already been in my midlife crisis and now am only figuring it out.

I'm also having this argument with myself over someone that left the radio station.  He keeps sending out little nasty drip drip drips of things he hated about his previous employer.  My question is if it was that bad why did you stay?  We all have disgruntled employees - Lord knows I have had them, but this guy is something else.  He gets a huge mailing list because of the person he worked for and now he's using that same mailing list for his own bar to bash people over the head with.  Forgive me, but there is something about loyalty that is just lacking in this world.

Speaking of which: can someone please tell me why someone would call my show and ask that I give the Palestinians equal time on a program run by a Jewish talk show host as if the story of the Palestinians was not getting out?  If I were captured by the Hamas in Gaza (Israel - not Palestine, there is no such place) - these people would chop off my head yet a caller of mine said - give them time on the radio because I'm fair and balanced.  Um, no I'm not.  I'm a talk show host - not a reporter.  I'm paid to have opinions; not paid not to have them.

Movies were a disappointment over the holidays.  One I really like with Tom Cruise lost to a dog - although Christmas is hardly the time to trot out the Nazis - someone get marketing in here quick - the scientologist has gone bonkers.  One movie I did watch was in Hebrew and, like at Eyal's house, I could only get every other or third word - I really have to go back to the basics on my Hebrew.  The movie is called Beaufort and it is based on the 2nd Lebanon War that was mishandled by the politicians of Israel.  My hope is that this move into Gaza by Israel will stop the 1 million Israelis who live within range of missiles from fearing doing everything from going to school or work; to enjoying themselves outside lest they be shot dead by an Hamas sniper.

Next week I will be talking about the big stories of 2008.  The AP put out their list and some of the national papers put out their own, but I have my own top 10ish (ish because it could be more and it could be less) stories of 2008.  That is still to come.  OH one more thing.

I am on Facebook - obviously since some of you came here from Facebook.  This guy tracked down what is supposed to be one of the most secret phone numbers a guy can have - one attached to a Vertu phone.  Out of the blue my phone starts ringing and since so few people have that private private number and it is a number I've had for a super long time that I don't use for the show or anything else - only personal stuff - I'm thinking - GREAT... someone made plans for New Years eve because with the holiday just ending I haven't.  Nope - it is someone from Facebook who said it took him some time, but he talked to someone who knew someone else who got my number.  How odd is that.  I felt like I need to post a sentry outside the house because I don't know if I have an enterprising new personal assistant at my fingertips OR if I have yet another stalker.  I hope it is not the latter and I could always use the former.

So to borrow a phrase from that icon of anorexic male fashion - Ryan Seacrest.  Yuhas Out.

Countdown to Chanukah & Christmas

It used to be exciting when people asked me what I wanted for this holiday or that.  I had a list - a long one - of all the things that I wanted, but now I think I've hit the year when asking me what I want is shrugged off with an "eh, nothing."  Eh NOTHING! What am I talking about?  

I want things - many things, but I just don't want other people to buy them for me.  When I want something I go out and get it - it is now better to give than to receive (dirty minds some of you - really) - and I'm sitting around thinking: what do I get for the people who work for me, what do I get for nieces and nephews and what do I get for the siblings?  Anything at all?  Oh what a quandary I find myself in.

For me I know what I want and that is to complete my wardrobe with all of the essentials of a well dressed man.  Details gave me the book and I've had a wonderful personal shopper who has been building my wardrobe for years.  Add to that a stylist and I can't help but look good - even though I'm much more comfortable in a Lacrosse shirt and jeans.  I should explain that looking good doesn't mean that I've become "more" handsome (that sounded vain) or anything like that; rather, it simply means that I'm better put together than I used to be.  Some say that the clothes make the man - and that could be true - but could it be that clothes don't really matter when it comes to the man and that I'm completely wasting my money?  Who knows.

Then comes the question about what I do for the holidays.  I'm off so don't have to talk to the masses - I like saying that.  But where do I go when the rest of the world is gathering to be together.  I'm actually looking to get away!  Do I go somewhere fantastic that I've been - like Nevis where the temperature right now is a beautiful 80 degrees with sun or do I do what I think I want to do and visit Europe and spend some time in the snow?  I hate the cold, but I do look good in cashmere and I have a great cashmere coat that I bought from Mr. Ferragamo a few weeks ago when I saw the temperature was going to drop into the 50s and going out in this coat is just a statement that I like to make.  Oh - that is not me in the picture (duh) - like I could be a model.

So the biggest questions for me are both selfish and non-selfish: do I do Europe or somewhere warm?  Do I base the vacation destination on my wardrobe and what I think I look 

good in or do I do a little bit of both?  These seem like super unimportant things, but I have three weeks to fill and when I fill them I want to make sure that I'm doing it right.  There is a place I want to visit again and that is Prague - I love Prague.  The last time I was there I was able to have a fantastic Queen Latifa time - remember that movie?  If you didn't you have to rent it - Last Holiday - she thinks that she's dying so she spends all of her money for a wonderful vacation and has the time of her life and realizes that she was not living at all.  Good film - not Oscar stuff, but the things that make you smile are seldom the things that make the people at the Academy smile.  Ever notice that?  Award season is right around the corner so I'm wondering about that too - who is in who is out.

My next vacation is going to be to Israel so it goes without saying that I'll go to Israel over the course of the next year - I do it so often that it is like a recurring appointment, but it has been quite some time since I've dropped everything and just jetted off to Europe or somewhere fun to order room service and relax.  That is my kind of vacation, but traveling is such a hassle.  I do have the Blue Star Jet thing that I could use, but I'm one of those guys that saves up my miles to use only in an emergency - like when I need a flight that I can't get on.  If you don't have a jet membership - I suggest it because it makes life easier and instead of sitting in an airport waiting to get somewhere (where the wait in the airport is longer than the flight itself) - I'm thinking - "save miles you may need them one day" - it is not like a hurricane is coming to southern CA, but if I used my miles on Blue Star I'm sure there would be an earthquake that I'd need to escape and a G5 can take off on a much shorter runway and American Express will always be there to help pay for it if need be.  Gosh, I love AMEX... they can do anything. 

The good news is that I've got my room for the "big night" and even have the car on reserve.  Now I just need to wait for my tickets to arrive - oh what will I be invited to?  I feel like I need a visit from the Ghost of Chanukah Future.  

Speaking of that - Dickens would be rolling in his anti-Semitic little grave if he saw the version of the Christmas Carol that me and some of my colleagues put on at our annual Christmas party yesterday.  Oh what a disaster, but it was fun.  I forgot how great this time of year could be because it has been so surrounded by tragedy over the last few.  First, a few years ago, came the death of a sister, then came yet more struggles with my back and this year I'm struggling, really struggling, with the death of a friend that I was not ever able to say a proper good-bye to.  Katie's story is below, but I think about it every single day.  I've also got "having fun" on my mind because sometimes I feel like having fun is a luxury that since some of my friends cannot have that I shouldn't have either. 

I used to worry about the issues that divide us - things like sexuality and income, and we had a really hard time coming up with what to do: do we go straight one night and gay the next or do we just do straight without any consideration of gay?  Do we go cheap or do we go more expensive and then I supplement the meal or activity for those who cannot afford it?  It is a delicate balance because you don't want people to feel bad that they cannot afford things, but at the same time I don't want to eat at Outback Steakhouse when I could be sitting at Ruth's Chris or Mortons (the latter is my favorite chain), BUT my favori

te steak in the whole wide world is Mastro's Steakhouse on Canon in B. Hills.  

There is nothing better when it comes to a steakhouse and I say anywhere that was good enough for Sinatra is good enough for me.  I say that a lot - good enough for X = good enough for me.  It is almost like I'm remembering David Hume from my days as an undergraduate so many years ago.  I did love philosophy class and I have to admit that I was damn good at it.  Good thing it is one of my majors.

Meanwhile, I sit at the precipice of a decision: to travel or not to travel; to be frugal or not to be frugal.  I'm probably going to end up doing the latter and I have over 300,000 British Airways frequent flyer miles to use before February (many of which I earned by using the Concorde when she was flying - boy that was an amazing plane, but 13 hours to London is such a long time once you've done it in just a few), but what can you do when you just don't know where you want to go?  I guess I could flip a coin, but do I really want to do that and risk not going to the right place OR do I just stay home for three weeks?  

I've never actually done that before.  I could shuttle between LA and Del Mar and play at the beach house and play in town for a few days at a time.  I'm also thinking - do I take the dogs there and back or do I leave them at the pet hotel?  I want to take them with me.  

They are such good boys and they keep me company.  I would miss them for almost a month.  With gas prices as low as they are I should really drive as much as possible and with more than 500 horse power I should definitely take advantage of them and drive as much as possible.

To hell with global warming - it snowed in Houston and New Orleans!  Talk to me about global warming when it actually starts to warm.

I would be remiss if I didn't talk about Chicago politics.  Not because I live in Chicago or even care about what is going on in IL, but I find it delicious when political scandals rock America.  They are fun - they are what I find almost as entertaining as Notre Dame football!  Well, not so much this year since USC beat them in my own backyard, but come

on - who doesn't love a scandal.  

We should have known that Governor Blagojevich was dirty (outside of the fact that he is out of Chicago politics) - good Lord look at his hair!  Far be it from me to talk about bad hair - I pay $6.50 for a haircut from Frank at the barber shop, but look at that.  There is something dirty about a man who has that much hair, is governor and cannot get someone, anyone, to help him with it.  

His chief of staff was willing to go to jail for him in order to sell a seat in the US Senate, they're bought anyway aren't they when it comes down to it, but he couldn't say to the guy - hey Guv - your hair can use some work.

THIS is just one of the many reasons that I do not find it unreasonable to have a Queer Eye episode for public servants.  Ever been to the DMV?  What are those people wearing.  Oh, and I've noticed this over the years too. 

WHY oh why are public servants (not the elected officials, but the people giving us our licenses and things like that) so fat?  Is there a rule that says you MUST go and eat your way through the day?  

I was getting my license plates from the DMV and the lady behind the counter (I needed new plates because for some reason I did not qualify for a mail in routine - don't ask me why).

So, I'm standing in line hoping that I do not get the lady who is munching on Cheetos - her fingers were

orange and she was just chewing in the most disgusting way.  I was watching as the Cheetos fell out of her mouth when she chewed and she just brushed whatever fell onto the forms of the people she was waiting on onto the floor.  

Of course, and almost out of spite, I was blessed to stand next to her.  There is nothing more disgusting to me than HEARING people eat.  It is fine for me to see it during lunch or something, but there are things that bother me: people biting their nails or, worse, their cuticles (hello: even a cheap manicure at a strip mall is only like $10 - get them done right) and then there is the sound of eating.  Oy gevalt I cannot tolerate that sound.

Anyway so after the Cheetos lady adjacent was finished with me I got my renewals in the mail and began to wonder - is it time for a new car already?  Do I need so many cars?  I mean I am no Jay Leno, but I like cars and this one has three stickers on the year thingy which means it is time for a new one.  So I go car shopping.  You'd think that car dealers were going out of business or something - oh wait - they are, but when I pulled up to the dealership to see if I wanted to take the next step into the next car I began thinking that I'm as unsure about the new car as I am about my Christmas vacation.  

Do I want a really super fast car, as opposed to the already fast car, that I'll never be able to open up on the freeway?  Do I want a gas guzzler because I feel better with a lot of car around me and do I want to continue not buying American?  The only one I can say with certainty is that I will never ever buy an American car so that is not a problem, but the rest of the questions are too difficult to answer so I go shopping for something easier - stuff.

Just stuff.  I fill my life with stuff and am empty on real things.  I know that sounds kind of backwards, but I'm thankful for the people in my life, and I hope they know that, but when it comes to stuff how much can one guy buy?  I need to be able to share my whole life with someone and it is driving me insane that I cannot do that with someone full time yet.  One day I will - at least I hope it is coming.  I'm closer to 40 than I am to 30 and even being in your "mid-30s" is supposed to be like your 20s, but for me there is no difference.  One guy at Jose Eber even asked me if I wanted to color the gray out of my hair.  Do I want to color the gray.

Maybe...

Damages is one of my favorite shows on TV AND SEASON 2 is coming - watch the Trailer... boy it is good.  I also forgot to mention that December 7th (also a Sunday - 67 years ago to the day) the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor.  Wouldn't it be nice to have America just as dedicated to one another today as we were back then.  Thank you to the Greatest Generation.

My First Blog Diary Post - Long, but good.

I write a diary that is relatively private, but then I realized that I was starting to be like Dame Judy Dench in Notes on a Scandal (picture one obviously) - only prettier - like her in Bond (picture 2).  I'm not sure exactly what a Dame is, but if it means fabulous then the Queen - the English one, you know - Elizabeth II - not someone I met in West Hollywood, got it right.

When I'm writing in my little journal with my important stuff writing pen - it is a rather lucky pen inasmuch as I signed my first "deal" with it - that sounds very Hollywood right, but we all sign deals - I'm just a bit more superstitious about it I guess.  The pen is fantastic - a Montblanc (it is one word and I've never understood smart people who think that it is two) fountain pen called the Meisterstruck Platinum and yes, there is a picture for that too.

I see no reason not to have a lot of pictures when you write.  One of my journals has a bunch of 

pages of magazines and things cut out with stuff taped in - it truly was almost child-like, but it was the only way I knew how to remember what I wanted to say and I never wanted to forget the things that I knew.  

When I write about things that are person or important it is my belief that you should write in the way you either do or want to live and there is nothing better than the feel of ink on the finger.  That doesn't mean that I am a great writer - I'm far from that, but I want to make my journal mine and the only way to do that is to make things my way.  I'm sure a lot of people write better than I do about the things that are important to them, but it is my feeling that writing and cutting and pasting is so much a chore in this day and age of cut and paste that it actually caused me to want to stop writing and that would be insane to me.

This is the first time I'm writing in my journal since my little dog, Levi, had a medical problem and since Thanksgiving.  I intentionally put it off so that I could turn my daily writing into weekly writing and I let a couple days go afterwards simply out of time and to let things sink in.  Levi and Shlomo, his big brother from the same litter, are pugs and they are great dogs.  Levi is the smaller of the two and the vet has some scary things for me to be looking for in the little guy.  They both just turned three and they are rambunctious and fun.  The unconditional love I get from these two little dingbats is so worth the added time it takes me to get ready in the morning or coming home mid-day or in the middle of something to make sure that they are let out. 

I leave them at a pet hotel when I leave town or I take them with me.  Shlomo gets carsick, though, so there is really no middle ground with them.  

Either I take them with me and we stop every 20 minutes or I don't take them with me I end up having to say good-bye as they are taken into the pet hotel where normal people are not allowed to go.  It is a good place, don't get me wrong, but it is not home and I'm sure they miss it.  BUT - selfish as it may be - I love the feeling I get when I pick them up.  Here are the two of them in a shopping cart at Petco (at least I think it was Petco) - aren't they the most adorable dogs?  You will probably disagree if you have one, but I've seen some ugly dogs out there and nobody ever admits to them!

So the last week (give or take a day or two since this is my first entry on the blog that isn't).  Not a whole lot happened, really, given the boring life that I lead.  We had Thanksgiving and I got to see a friend or two for a day or two, but mostly I spent the last week or so doing not much of anything.  There is something about being "bone idle" as the Brits call it (why am I so in love with anything British: British movies, British actors, British TV, British monarchs - well not British food - fish and chips are fine, but thinking about "shepherds pie" makes me sick to my stomach and I can eat - I can eat just about anything.  You don't know that whole history, but I will update you slowly.

The long and the short of knowing that I can eat just about anything is the fact that I did.  After I left the military I was in a wheelchair - it was an awful time in my life (when you get hurt and you're on active duty there used to be little sympathy for the things going on in your head and the goal was to get you well).  I spent a ton of time sitting in a wheelchair, watching television and eating.  I went from a healthy fit active duty Marine to a fat blob who just happened to be in a wheelchair.  It could have been worse - I could have taken all of the pills that I got when I left the hospital and ended it all, but I didn't - don't ask me why, but I would have devastated at least one person, I'm not sure how many others would have cared, but at least one man would have cared and for him I will always be grateful.

Thankfully I am not in a wheelchair today.  It took a lot - years - of physical therapy and training, but I am almost back to my USMC weight.  Although, they had to cut through my stomach (I've had 7 operations on my spine) to get to my back after surgery 3 so I'll never have abs of steel again.  I figure there are enough men with them that I don't have to worry about that.  If it were not for my doctors and nurses I would be a mess - so thank you medical people out there!  

My first real boyfriend was special, but he left me and in some ways I don't blame him (his name was Chris), but in many ways I do because how hard is it, really, to break up with someone?  In my view - not hard at all.  Especially when you're gay and there is a world changing event taking place in life.  I would have understood - I have to find a picture of him so that I can show you.

ANYWAY (see - I told you that I ramble) - back to Thanksgiving week.  I decided to leave the comfort of one place and head to the comfort of another.  Put this in perspective: my friend, Sunil, was going to India to be with his family and that is when the attacks in India happened.  He was going to put up in London for a few days anyway and I got an email from him the other day that he was in Turkey - Istanbul to be exact.  I'm sure it was fantastic - I hope he took a lot of pictures!

Being in Los Angeles is one of the best things in the world and to use a landmark for my location (see that Four Seasons over there - I'm right there by it) I'll use something that you can find on Google so that you can put a place to the me.  But before I get ahead of myself I was hoping that I would see a certain someone during Thanksgiving (since I'm a "public figure" and lack privacy anyway I think I will keep a bit of privacy here by not mentioning a bunch of names that you could easily report back - unless I'm the only reader of my diary in which case name will not be a problem).  If you know where the Four Seasons is at on Doheny then you are close to where I am (plus or minus a mile or so).

Meanwhile - I choose to spend some time away from home, but only after I have Thanksgiving dinner with my brother and sister-in-law.  I've never understood the "in-law" technicality attached to someone that your brother or sister marries.  In my family that is a hell of a lot of people since everyone seems to have found love (with the exception of a couple of us).  

LA is where we did Thanksgiving and I had it with my brother, Johnny, and his wife, Dr. Danielle.  I say Dr. Danielle because I lack any title at all anymore and figure if someone has one you should use it.  So I do.  Here we are just about to go eat - if you look closely you'll notice that the picture attached to this blog of me is taken in the same chair - IT WAS THE PRACTICE PICTURE because we only had 10 seconds from the time we clicked the button until the time that we took the photo.  

This is not all of them - we went through a lot of pictures to get to where we were going, but this is one of many.  I should have taken pictures of the best part of the meal too - the potato bar!  Mashed potatoes and truffles were "the bomb" (forgive my rapperness), but they were.

What did we talk about?  Well, we talked about how lonely I am, we talked about how strange my brother is (the one who was with us) because he has the uncanny ability to remember things that did not happen when we were kids - not to be rude to my little brother, but he is 26 and I've got a decade on him so I'm pretty certain that I know what did and did not happen when we were kids - I did leave home just after turning 17 so I have no clue what he is talking about half of the time.  Of course, I joined the military shortly after that and it was the best decision I ever made.  

I would be a complete ass (or worse) if I didn't join our Armed Forces and I am so happy that I did because it gave me the foundations in life that I needed to be a good man (notice I didn't say perfect or use any of those great gay modifiers like VGL) and is giving me all that I need to become a better one.  One day I will be the man that I want to be, but I'm not exactly sure what that kind of man is or even who that man is (or what that man does), but I'm on my way to figuring all of that out.

After Turkey Day I went to the beach house - it is an escape.  It is in a great little city called Del Mar (you'd like Del Mar - well everyone likes Del Mar) and since the weekend was only going to be interrupted by working one day on the air I really had nothing to worry about.  

WAIT!  I forgot one of the most important things that happened during Thanksgiving.  I met up with Eyal, his boyfriend and his sister, Donna.  She's always been beautiful and we've been at the same Oscar events and things that all "young" Hollywood does, but to call her beautiful is to understate what she is - she is phenomenal as a person and as a model.  Here we are at the Grand Luxe Cafe next to the Beverly Center - now you have to understand that I just had a derm-abrasion about two hours before this from Gladys (more on that in a second), but here are the four of us - Eyal is the tallest, his bf is the 2nd tallest and obviously Donna is the model - she always looks like a model.  

AND JUST SO YOU KNOW - EYAL IS THE TALLEST AT 6'7" TALL so it is not like I'm underdeveloped or that guy Vern from Dr. Evil fame - it is just that everyone that was around me had big bones.  

To be even more generous - Donna was wearing really big boots - it was freezing that day in LA - I think the high was about 70 so at that time of the day it was probably only in the 60s.

Back real fast to why I look like an idiot: first I was talking when we had an Asian guy take our picture (I thought it was their thing to take perfect pictures - obviously he didn't wait until I was done talking in order to take it), but that said - there are others, but not with all four of us in it.  

The one I have with just Eyal and I is great and I will keep it private, but as far pictures go - the only thing that made me look small was the fact that they are so tall.

NOW to why I'm as red as a tomato.  Earlier that day (this was the day after Thanksgiving and before I went to see Hunky Santa at the Beverly Center - not kidding - oh you think I am... well here he is - PS: he is the guy in the hat).  Anyway - before I had lunch with Eyal, Donna and Brenden I went to see Gladys and Rosa at Jose Eber.  

As you can probably tell from my haircut - I still go to the PX for it and spend a total of $6.50 for a haircut every week.  BUT, when it comes to my face and nails (hands and feet) - I feel like I have to stave off getting old (or at least looking old) so I spend an awful lot of money on things that most men in LA find perfectly normal, but not so much in the middle of the country.  

Early in the day - just hours as a matter of fact - I had a derm-abrasion appointment with Gladys and then I had my mani/pedi with Rosa.  Gladys works wonders and she has always been a great lady - I think I've been going to her for my face for the last - oh - eight years or so.  Rosa is a little more new - not to doing nails mind you - she was doing Liz Taylor's nails when I was a baby, BUT I had a lady named Holly before I went to Rosa because Holly moved to 

Christoph (I think that is where she went) and I stayed at Jose's place.  

It is a great salon and had I known we were going to take pictures at lunch I would have been sure NOT to do much more than my typical facial that gets rid of the bad and is on with the good.  But, alas, lunch came out of the blue because we all just happened to be available and eating with Eyal and Donna was something too good to pass up and meeting Brenden was even more special because Eyal is a beautiful person who I think deserves a wonderful man.  So I had to check it out - this was my first time meeting him.  We had a great debate over all things wonderful (and political) - Brenden is a great liberal and I'm a great conservative.  Eyal and Donna just sort of sat there and cheered on whomever they thought was right at the time and we all decided that we had to do a Shabbat dinner together because a good Jewish dinner cannot go without a good argument!

Meanwhile, after lunch was over I decided it was time to head to the beach to spend some away time in a place where I find solace and lonliness, but a strong sense of calm - my beach place is not huge or ornate; rather, it is a small little place where I can smell the sea and think.  You see, a few weeks ago I (and many others) lost a good friend of mine (ours) - a wonderful girl named Katie about a month earlier and I wanted to go look through some pictures.  When I opened the photo album I realized that it was the final time I would be able to look at those pictures.  I hadn't cried in a very long time, but when I was contacted out of the blue from a mutual friend of ours - JT - after I went off the air one Thursday night I knew something was wrong and I knew that if something was wrong and he was contacting me instead of Katie that it had to be something about Katie.  

When I heard that she died my heart sank, think was a couple weeks prior, and now was time for me to look at the pictures of us as we followed Neil Diamond around the world on what ended up being a trip to rival all others.  As relaxing as it is in Del Mar - no distractions and nothing to take my mind off of what I need - I found myself just laying on the bed wondering why?  What happened to Katie? Then I realized that I didn't want to know.  She died the way she lived - LIVING and I am extremely jealous.

This was not the first time that death came early to people that I knew - I was in the military and when one of the guys I knew quite well died in Iraq (I've since seen four others come home in coffins) I was shocked.  That was the first death from this war that really hit me hard - not because it was a death; rather, because I knew that it would be spun.  Trevor was the poster-Marine.  A Marine's Marine. Everything about him was good and he was a fantastic person.  I'd not seen him since he PCS'd, but when I learned he was dead I knew it would be a big deal.  He was the guy that all of you saw on posters and in advertisments for the USMC.  You'll recognize him.  

Katie's death was different because it was not expected - not that you expect people to die when they go to war - most people come home just fine.  Katie hit me like a ton of bricks and I wasn't sure how to process it - still don't.

Okay - this has gone WAY too long and I'm not even done with the week yet because I ended up back in LA doing exactly what I didn't want to end up doing (clubbing), but with friends and with people that you hardly know who become more than friends you end up doing the nuttiest things.  I will have to finish this after I watch something Christmassy.  I'm thinking Home Alone.  I do love that movie.